Everything I'm Not
by ShawtyyMusume
Summary: Do you think I'm special?  No...you probably don't think I am. Nobodies don't have hearts but if I did, it would probably beat just for you...


_Trapped_.

My eyes scanned around me; nothing but the emptiness of my fantastically white-decorated room. My prison. Since that day _they_ brought me here, I've done nothing but look for a way to escape. Unfortunately for me, it doesn't look like my escape will happen anytime soon - the Organisation have me under constant surveillance - the members like to keep a 'close eye' on me.

From listening into conversations between Marluxia and Axel during their shifts (told you they keep me under constant surveillance), I was important to the Organisation. I was 'special'. _Special_, the word echoed through my mind. Organisation XIII only think I'm special because of my abilities. What if I didn't have them? What if I was just another nobody like them? They wouldn't think of me as 'special' then.

Do you think I'm special? I couldn't help but wonder. No...you probably don't think I am. You probably think of _her _as special though. Not me. I doubt you even realize I'm ali- I mean - exist. The word 'alive' isn't something I would use; Nobodies don't have a heart, we just simply exist. Is that why she's special? Because she has a heart and I don't? But, what if? What if I had a heart? Would I be special to you then? Doubtful. Still, if I did have a heart, it would probably beat just for you...

A hand gripped tightly around my shoulder, "Now then my _special _little girl, I have an assignment for you." Marluxia said as he knelt down in front of me, "Sora has finally arrived here. I need you to use your ability."

Puzzled I asked, "What do you mean?"

"I want you to manipulate his memory. Make him focus on you - let him think he is at this castle to rescue you - that way he'll remain here and we'll have more of a chance of disposing of him." Marluxia's grip tightened, "Failure to comply will result in severe consequences." I nodded in agreement, willing Marluxia to let go of my shoulder; his grip was abnormally painful. Marluxia released his grip on me, "Good girl. Now then, start working in that notebook of yours and manipulate his memory." Marluxia turned his back on me and walked into the dark portal that he had conjured up, merely by the flick of his wrist.

_Evil_.

Slowly, my eyes turned towards my shoulder to see the damage Marluxia had left upon me this time. Dark bruises began to surface over the pale skin of my shoulder. Lowering my gaze, my fingers traced lightly over the blue bruises which covered my leg (Marluxia's doing for my 'failure to comply' with my last assignment). Fighting back the tears, I opened my notebook and began to draw 'memories' for Sora. The scribbling of my pencil was the only noise in the room. It echoed severely through the silence. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I was afraid to cross Marluxia, in fear of what he would do to me if I disobeyed. A flood of sorrow consumed me as I thought about Sora and how I was to remove all traces of his memory. Of his friends...of _her_ - the living version of me.

Within a few minutes, my drawing was complete. Running my fingers tenderly along the page, my thoughts wandered towards the last fragments of hope I managed to protect from Marluxia's violence. What if by manipulating Sora's memory actually saves me? What if it helps me get out of this prison? Sora will rescue me, I know he will; he's a hero, that's what heroes do...right?

_Free_.

Yes, I would be free. Oh, Sora, please hurry and rescue me. The thought of being saved was enough to keep me sane. Sora would save me and we would run away together; that's what will happen. A pang of guilt shot through me - what about her? _Kairi_. I know he loves her and that he always will. Wait, no. This isn't right; Sora doesn't wish to save me because he wants to, it's because I'm forcing him to. What if I didn't manipulate his memory, would he still come to save me? No...he wouldn't...he doesn't even know I exist. Remember? How silly of me to forget. If I was Kairi, however, he would be here in a heartbeat - excuse the pun - and would save me from this place. Sora isn't my hero; Sora is Kairi's hero. Not mine. No, he doesn't belong to me. He belongs to her - with her. He's alive, she's alive; it all makes sense. Sora deserves better than me. Kairi would never hurt Sora like I am - erasing his memories for selfish desires. She can give him more than I ever could...she has feelings, a heart...she's...

_Alive_.

Everything I'm not.


End file.
